As many of you may know, I just moved across the country to Georgia. I have learned many things these past few weeks. In this blog I will include some of the things I have learned and hope that it can benefit at least one person down the road.
1. An individual can never prepare enough for what life is going to throw their way.
As I stated in a previous blog, life is depressing enough as it is and we just need to enjoy what we have . . . no one gets out alive in the end anyway. There are so many opportunities for growth in this life and lately I feel like I have been served . . . served one massive platter of opportunities for growth.
It is interesting to ponder how even after all we can do, we still cannot consider ourselves to be completely independent of another being or sustenance. I have been thinking about this a lot lately, whether consciously or not, and have come to the conclusion that no matter who or where we are, what our beliefs are, or even what our goals are . . . we are all dependent on at least one source of sustenance.
Now, what that source is to one person could be something completely different to another. Due to the equivocal nature of life, with everyone experiencing different backgrounds, upbringings, and that aside, opinions and thought processes, what keeps one person going may actually kill another person. It is completely insane, but makes so much sense at the same time.
After all, as many parents have found out (and I believe it, but will find out the hard way I am sure) there is no set handbook for parenting. Each child is different and has their own personality and thought process ingrained within them from birth. Can that thought process be influenced? Sure. Finding the balance, however, is the hard part.
My greatest fear is to not be able to support a family and their needs. Not simply financially, but also mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I hope I am a good father and remember that each child my beautiful future wife and I are entrusted to are a blessing. I don't want to hinder their progress in any way or take away from them what they were naturally given to bring to this earth. I hope I can find the balance, but as I am learning, no amount of preparation can eliminate the element of mistakes or hardship.
2. People change.
No matter how well you think you know someone, you are not with them all of the time. We all go through life meeting people and making friends and acquaintances and it is impossible to know them perfectly. Everyone is given the gift of making decisions in life and as much as we think we know a person, we really don't.
We are all faced with different challenges each day and though it is impossible to really put ourselves in someone else's shoes, it is imperative that we try. Everyone has different priorities in life and that's an individual decision. The only times where I get involved are if those individual decisions affect me and my happiness or the safety of those I love.
I have worked a long time to get rid of negative influences, but it is improbable to do in today's society. We are surrounded by it on a daily basis. After we do all that we can, however, that is when we give the Lord permission to step into our lives and open the windows of heaven.
3. Complete strangers can be angels of mercy in disguise.
As some of you may know, I work for Delta Air Lines. The first few weeks that I have been here in Georgia have been an absolute nightmare. Though I moved here with someone I grew up with, I have been completely alone and have had to look for ways to be happy and to overcome the struggles that have been going on. I have found that people that aren't family care when it's convenient, but when "crap hits the fan" (sorry Dad, I used the c-word) they can disappear.
Well, when I first moved down here, everything was good and I had some time to get settled before my first day of work in the new office. It is a nice home for me and I am just grateful to be here. Those of you who know me know that I am fairly easy to please and that as long as I have somewhere to call home and someone to talk to, I am happy.
Problems happened where I was not able to figure out what to do on my own. I was able to speak with a manager at work who was kind enough to just listen and find out what was going on in my life. I feel bad, but I must admit . . . I kind of unloaded on her. The caliber of people I work with is very high and the signs around Atlanta that say, "Delta: World's Most Admired Employees," are not put up lightly. I learn more and more every day about the great company I work for.
I was able to talk with my parents also and am grateful that I can call them when I need to, even if it is just to talk. They are very supportive, which many people do not have these days. I was pleasantly surprised also when my dad said that he and my mom would like to spend Christmas in Atlanta with me. That made me feel a lot better and I was reminded how much they love me. I have truly been blessed with the parents I needed.5. When times are tough, temptations come to offer "easy" ways out.
Naturally, to find the quickest, most efficient path out of difficult situations, irrational thoughts start to kick in. Depression sets in, fear takes over, and then anger makes its way onto the field, aimed at no one in particular, but brought on by unfortunate circumstances. When there seems to be no way out of a situation, paths that would not logically or rationally be sought after creep towards the front of the mind.
Today is the last day of one of the hardest semesters I have ever completed. Were the classes particularly hard? No, they were actually some of my favorite classes. However, lacking the resources to complete the required work due to circumstances beyond my control caused some serious anxiety.
When I first moved to Georgia, I found that I was living in a house that had no service with Verizon Wireless so I was unable to use my mobile hotspot. After waiting for a week for them to finally agree to what the tech that finally came out said was a "known issue," I switched to Sprint hoping for better results. By this time I had been in Georgia for about a week and a half and had to get internet in the home, realizing that any wireless internet was not going to work.
Comcast had good service up north (but so did Verizon) and I decided to give them a shot since they offered monthly service with no contract for the same price as with a contract. It might have been a promotion, but it seemed like a "no brainer" to me. I think most people would agree with me that service contracts can be horrendous.
I signed up for the service and took the self-starter kit home, but interestingly enough . . . no internet. It had now been 10 days since I had seen my fiance and I was feeling horrible about that and stressing about my homework (which I tried to do using WiFi at work until Comcast got their act together). Well, Comcast sent a technician out to turn the service on, which they supposedly did. The funny thing is that the experienced technician must have overlooked the fact that there were no wires going from the Comcast box to the house. I'm not sure how any company can afford to employ ignorance, but that's their problem.
I called in the next morning only to find that the soonest appointment I could get for a technician to come out would be on Thursday, five days later. My frustration was already building by this time, but I made the appointment and just did my best with what I had. Thursday came around and the technician performed a two hour install and made sure everything was hooked up and wired. It worked great for the 10 minutes after he left before I had to leave for work, but when I got home . . . no internet.
Having to call Comcast again and make another appointment for a few more days out (the soonest available for them) began to make me wonder if this is what it was going to be like if I stayed with them. The technician came out and switched out the modems (even though when they came it was actually working) for an older model that was supposedly more reliable. I won't get into that appointment, but they ended up leaving without it working due to an area outage.
When I got home that night, the internet was working . . . slow, but working. Almost three weeks without Skyping with my fiance has been extremely hard on both of us. Most people don't realize what a toll this can play because they are able to go on regular dates in person, but I still believe that by getting through these challenges, my fiance and I will be stronger in the end.
My internet is still not up to par and I have a 30 day period that I can give everything back and not have to pay a dime. This would be an easy thing to do if the internet had not slowly started coming back up the last two days. The service is still very shady, however, and a technician is coming out again tomorrow. We will have to see what happens with that. I took the whole day off just to make sure they don't leave anything unattended.
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I want nothing more than to be with my fiance and I have been so worried that our relationship has been suffering due to lack of interaction. Phone calls and messages are great, but over such a long distance where daily communication is key, not having Skype or being able to see each other has been extremely trying.
I have had thoughts that maybe she would be happier with someone that is closer and she has had the same thoughts regarding me, but both of us agree that we would not be able to live with the decision later on. Times are hard right now, but the bottom line is that we make each other happy . . . many people don't find that in the whole duration of their lives and now that I have that, I am not letting her go.
They were showing the Great Gatsby on one of my flights between Atlanta and Salt Lake City and I must admit that it made me cry . . . especially the part about him being penniless and it not working at the time. I would do anything to be with my fiance, but it seems it will just take a little more time.
These last few weeks have probably been the hardest and saddest of my life. I have had "pijamadas" with myself, staying up late every night watching movies that Danny and I have watched, or looking at photos of us and the funny videos I have of me and her and her family. I have the engagement album her mom made me next to my bed and I hope I haven't ruined it with all of my crying. Eventually, fatigue takes over and my tears put me to sleep each night and I wake up just in time to get ready to leave for work at 5:00 pm each day.
I have found that writing helps me to share my feelings and unload in a way that I don't have to worry about inconveniencing someone by asking if they have a minute. If someone reads my blog, that is completely up to them and I don't have to feel bad about wasting their time. I am excited to go see my fiance at the beginning of next year, although, and oh what a great reunion that will be . . .
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